


What made us think that we were wise (and that we'd never compromise)

by Amegrahu12



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Apologies, F/F, Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, KaraandLenagototherapy2k19, Look I wrote this while doing spotlights for a play, Look untrained medical treatment is a trying and emotional experience, Reconciliation, so many apologies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-01-15 14:24:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21254813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amegrahu12/pseuds/Amegrahu12
Summary: When Kara suffers a serious injury, she turns to the only person she can for help: Lena Luthor. As she receives medical aid, necessary conversations are had and a few reconsiderations of "facts" are made.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title from The Freshman by The Verve Pipe

_It’s a trap._ That was the only thought that came through Kara’s brain as she hurtled toward the ground. _It’s a trap._ They had been here the whole time. Watching them. Infiltrating the DEO. The arrow, or more accurately the harpoon, had struck her in the chest. The chain dragging her to the ground jerked, pulling at the projectile lodged in her right lung. The shaft was an inch thick, and the head was tipped with kryptonite. It should have been an insignificant amount, really. It was so small that she likely would have to be squeezing it in her palm to cause any true power loss. But it was enough. Enough to cause a normally harmless metal harpoon to pierce through her skin and flesh. 

She hit the ground with an earth-shattering crash— literally. The ground around her erupted and formed a small crater where she lay. She could see the glass doors of the DEO balcony. Kara gasped for air, choking on her own breath, her own blood. She needed to get out of here. _Now_. A pair of sharp heels appeared over the ridge of the crater. Kara shifted her gaze down to the arrow sticking out of her chest. She reached for it, clumsily, hands slipping on its surface. It would not bend. Nth metal.

“Did you really think you could get away with it? That you could just steal from us and we wouldn’t find out?” _Those files_, she thought sluggishly, _How could they have found out so soon?_ She reached for the arrow again. There had to be something. Andrea Rojas stepped closer and knelt before her. “Who did you get to steal them? Your friend William unfortunately slipped on the north bridge before he could tell us and I doubt you could just waltz into our facilities, the cape is a bit flashy. Another reporter at CatCo perhaps? Kara Danvers has always been a bit suspicious.”

“Why—” Kara coughed, spattering the ground with blood, “Why would I tell you?” There, a small defect in the chain that attached to the arrow. They must have slipped when trying to set the metal. It wouldn’t have mattered for a human, or even a martian. But she was neither. Andrea fixed her with a piercing, cold stare. 

“Because you are not going to die until you tell me who it is.” Kara laughed, the sound was more like a wet wheezing. Blindly, she began twisting the chain’s deformed edge. 

“Then I’m afraid,” she spat, “You have wasted your time.” Just a bit more. Just a bit— SNAP. Andrea staggered backwards and Kara streaked into the sky. 

Kara sped away from the DEO, towards the desert. If she got far enough out and then dropped, the scanner would lose her position. Kara’s vision blurred. How much blood had she lost? A craggy dune appeared in front of her; the old DEO base. She felt dizzy. There wasn’t time. She was running out of time— she dived. Changing course just before she hit the ground, Kara rocketed back toward the city. Alex was out of the question. There was no way to get to J’onn’s without attracting lethal attention. Who was left? Who— A gleaming white pillar of a building. A balcony protruding out of its smooth surface. Of course. Kara twisted her body and flew —or rather crashed— into the stone jut. She coughed again, each time there seemed to be more blood. Sluggishly, Kara pushed herself upright. She barely suppressed a whimper as sharp pain flared through her side.

“Hope, move the meeting with Wayne Industries to Tuesday and— Kara? Fuck. Kara!” The fast pattering of heels sounded across stone. Kara looked up dazedly as Lena pressed her hands to the wound in Kara’s chest.

“Hey Lena, you wouldn’t happen to have a first aid kit would you?” Lena let out a choked sputtering, kicked off her heels and ran down a hall, returning with a large first aid kit. Lena put Kara’s arm over her shoulder as Kara pushed herself inside, studiously avoiding the white carpet. Kara pulled the suit back into her glasses and sadly picked at the now blood-soaked button-up she had been wearing under it. She had really liked this shirt. Lena eased it off her shoulders, focusing on the arrow protruding between Kara’s 7th and 8th ribs— and cursed.

“Jesus, Kara, you need a doctor. My medical experience is limited to genetics and microscopes. I need to call Alex—” 

“NO!” Kara’s hand flashed forward, catching Lena’s arm. “No. You call her, you kill us all.” Lena set the phone down slowly, 

“Kara, what the hell is going on.” 

“I promise, I will explain everything, but the abbreviated version is Andrea is a lot more shady and connected than I thought.” Lena cursed again and pulled on nitrile gloves. 

“I hope you know what you’re doing.” Kara laughed, 

“Me too.” Kara huffed and focused down on the arrow. “Okay. What we need to do is push it through and out. There is a kryptonite point on the head. That’s the only reason it broke my skin. The longer we leave it in, the worse I will get and once we remove the arrow some of the damage will retain because of the kryptonite. It might even scar.” She pressed at the bloody pole in her side, “If we try and pull it, the head could break off, or it could cause even more damage than it already has.” Lena nodded. “So, what I need you to do, is get out gauze, and when I pull out this arrow, press down on the wound. I just need you to stem the blood long enough for it to begin to heal, Okay?” 

“Okay.” Lena got out gauze and Kara pushed herself further upright, placing her hands on the shaft. 

“1… 2…” Kara braced herself. “3.” She pushed the arrow through. It took every ounce of resolve left in her body not to scream. Gritting her teeth and pressing her head against the wall, she pushed as hard as she could. Lena stared in barely concealed horror as Kara forced the projectile out her back. Gasping for breath, Kara reached behind herself and pulled. The shaft came free with a quiet squelching. Lena clamped the gauze around both sides of the injury, and was very proud of managing not to retch. Blood spread across the ground in a slow-moving pool, stopping just shy of the carpet. Kara smiled,

“It worked.” Lena let out a breath. “You can stop squeezing the bandages now.”

“Right.” Lena laughed, it was tight and harsh. Kara placed her hands on Lena’s and pulled them away from the injury. Her hands were stiff as Kara pried up each finger, whispering soft assurances. At last, the gauze came away, revealing a 4-cornered slit in her flesh. There was a deep, hole like gash in the center where the shaft had been. But it was already ringed in pink, healing skin. The side gashes bore small forming scar tissue on their ends where they had been longer. It had stopped bleeding heavily.

“I’m going to stitch the wound closed, would you hand me the needle?” 

“I can do that Kara, you’re injured you don’t have to—”

“Lena, have you ever sewed an injury closed before?”

“...No.”

“Are you honestly comfortable with stitching me up?” Lena sighed in defeat. 

“No.” 

Kara smiled, following Lena’s eyes as she ducked her head in guilt.

“I’m incredibly grateful of your help Lena, but I can do this, okay?” Lena hesitated and agreed, though she insisted that she could at least thread the damn thing. Kara only snorted— and immediately regretted it. Lena jerked forwards and put a steadying hand on her shoulder. Kara gave her a reassuring nod and took the needle. She clenched her teeth as she drew the needle through her skin. Lena kept her hand on Kara’s shoulder the whole time— until she started stitching the exit wound herself when it became obvious Kara was struggling with it, despite Kara’s continued objections. After watching Kara stitch the front, Lena was fairly capable of repeating the process on her back, though her stitches were certainly less clean (and a lot more shaky). The process didn’t take long. It was very odd, Lena thought, putting away the needle, seeing a wound so healed and yet… not. It was as though her body was healing from the inside out, rather than where the torn skin was closest to itself. You couldn’t tell how close Kara had come to dying. How many scars did her body hide with its healing? How many times had she almost died with Lena completely unaware? God, how many times had something like this happened with Alex, with James, with Winn. Lena remembered Reign, seeing supergirl fall. She had watched Kara fall. Lena threw her body around Kara, squeezing almost as tightly as she had with the gauze. 

“You’re going to get your shirt all bloody.” Kara mumbled, “That thing probably costs more than my loft.” Lena only held her tighter,

“I don’t care.” She took a shuddering breath. “I can buy a new shirt, Kara, I can’t replace you.” Lena didn’t have to look at Kara’s face to know she was giving her signature dopey grin. 

“I’m glad you still feel that way.” 

“What do you mean? You’re my best friend, of course, I care more about you than a shirt.” Kara pulled out of the hug, she seemed almost mournful. 

“That’s not what I mean.” Kara bit her lip, casting around for the right words. “After everything that’s happened, I’m glad I’m still important to you.” 

Kara took a breath and looked Lena in the eye. “I know you’ve been lying to me.” 

  
Lena recoiled and Kara continued, “Please don’t try and claim you haven’t. I know you, Lena. I’m not blind. Your movements are all rehearsed, your words calculated. You avoid physical contact and what you do give is stiff. I know your ticks, I know how you lie, and you have been lying a lot. I’d guess the only really truthful thing you’ve said to me recently is that you haven’t been sleeping. Besides, ‘you need Lex’s journals to heal?’ Lena, in the prison last year you described reading them to be like stabbing out your eyes.” 

Lena turned her head from Kara. She pulled off the nitrile gloves and fiddled with them balled in her hands. Kara sighed, “I’m not going to ask you why you did it, or what the truth was. I took those journals anyway because I wanted us to be fixed, but there is no easy fix. You’re allowed to be angry, Lena. I lied to you for years! Being angry is a part of healing, so please! Just... be angry with me.” 

Kara’s eyes were imploring, Lena remembered the simulations she had run. There had been hundreds of them, thousands, and none had included _this_. 

“I— Kara—” Lena floundered for words, anything to get out of this, and it all came out in a rush, “I am angry. I am so, so angry. I _hated_ you. I might still hate you. Everyone lied and you were supposed to be different! You made me think I could be different! And you lied. Over and over and over again. I don’t know who you are. I don’t know anything about you anymore, Kara— if that’s even your real name… I don’t even know your name. One second you were everything and the next— I just—”

“Kara Zor-El.” 

Lena blinked. “What?”

“That’s my name. Kara Zor-El.” Kara pressed her lips together, took a nervous breath and continued. 

“I love potstickers and donuts and sticky buns and soft sweatshirts and Disney movies. I was born in Argo City, in the Kandor region of Krypton. I have an adoptive sister, Alex. When we first met we hated each other,”she laughed.

"It took us years to even stand being in the same room. I speak over 35 languages and I learned calculus when I was five. I have a brilliant, beautiful best friend that I would do anything for and who has saved my life in more ways than one. I am the person I have always been. You just know a little more.” Lena said nothing. She just stared. Finally, she reached forward, as if to touch Kara’s arm, and quickly pulled back. She opened her mouth to speak, but seemingly could not find the words. Kara’s eyes crinkled at the corners and she leaned slightly forward. 

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything.” Lena searched her eyes for anything: some plot, an ulterior motive— there had to be something. But there wasn’t, just compassion and pain. 

“Later—” Lena began, “Later, you and I need to have a long conversation about our relationship, about exactly what happened with Andrea and about—” She broke off, bit her lip and swallowed, “I have this… project, and you—” she sighed, “You are not going to like it.”

Kara smiled, “Whatever it is Lena. I promise, you’re not going to lose me.” Lena attempted to smile back but gave more of a pained grimace, 

“I hope so.” Kara stretched out a hand– and quickly snatched it back upon seeing it was covered in semi-dried blood. 

“Oh, sorry.” 

“I suppose we could both use some cleaning up. You can use my shower while I clean this up.” Kara immediately began objecting, 

“No! No! You get cleaned up, I’ll take care of this.”

“Kara, you’re hurt, I am not having you clean.” Kara began to push herself up.

“I’m mostly healed anyway and it’s my blood to clean up.” 

“Kara—”

“You’ve done enough for me, Lena. Let me do this for you.” 

“Kara, you—” She stopped at the look on Kara’s face. “Fine.” Lena relented, “But the minute you feel any pain, or you bleed or struggle at all you call me. Got it?”

“Yes, Ma’am.” Lena lips pursed, 

“I’m serious Kara.”

“So am I. It will be okay, go clean up.” Hesitantly, Lena made her way to her bathroom and Kara slipped off her shoes and gathered cleaning supplies. Sighing, she surveyed the path of destruction she had wrought across Lena’s apartment. Bloody smears and footprints traced their way from the distinctly cracked balcony to the large crimson pool by the fireplace. Kara gathered the bloody linens in a pile near the balcony doors and began to painstakingly scrub the blood from the cement (literally, the bending required was in fact quite painful). She was almost done clearing the last smear on the fireplace when Lena returned, her hair wet and wearing a sweater and soft shorts. 

“I can take care of the rest Kara, you go clean up.” 

“I’m almost done it’s fine.” 

“Kara, I’d prefer we didn’t just dump evidence in a trash can like a novice and I'm the only one who knows where the incinerator is.”

“You have a—” Kara gaped. She shook her head as Lena grinned. “Of course you do. Why not?” 

“Come on darling, I can handle some paper towels and a shirt.” Kara opened her mouth to protest, but no words came out. She grumbled as she walked towards the bathroom, still carefully avoiding the white carpet. There were extra bandages outside the shower, and Kara sat her glasses next to them. She undressed her wounds, turned on the water and stepped into the shower still mostly clothed. Kara sighed as already heated water shot from all four walls, hitting her body and flowing pink down the drain. She placed her hands against a wall and leaned into the spray. Slowly, Kara began to peel away her bra and slacks. They were sticking to her skin where blood had congealed. She removed her underwear and just stood under the hot shower for a long while. 

Lena disposed of the pile of contaminated fabric and gauze in the small shoot hidden near the trash in her kitchen. Kara had done a good job cleaning up the blood, all that was left to prove she had ever even been there was a small crack on her balcony and Kara herself, currently standing in her bathroom. Lena was fine. She was fine. What gave Kara the right to feel pity? What gave Kara the right to sit there and tell her to be angry? How dare she sit there and look at her and make her feel so— No. She was fine. She didn’t care. She. Didn’t. Care. 

She cared. Fuck. 

A sharp knock broke Lena from her reverie. Only eight people in the world had this address. Except for one, all would call ahead. That ‘one’ was currently occupying her shower. Even if they knew where she lived, being able to get up to her floor without Lena knowing was another matter entirely. She was cautious as she approached the door, sliding a pistol from its drawer near the oven. She picked up her tablet and silently opened her camera program, which revealed a less than pristine looking Andrea Rojas standing outside her door. Of course she was. 

She slipped the pistol into her waistband and (keeping a wary hand around it) opened the door. 

“Andrea. I didn’t know you had my address.”

“Well, I like to keep tabs on old friends.” Lena snorted, 

“Friends? Is that what they’re calling it now?” Andrea gave her a searching look, 

“Well, are you going to invite me in?” Lena raised an eyebrow, 

“You show up at my apartment, an apartment you are not supposed to know about, without notice, and now you expect an invitation?” Andrea chose to ignore that and swept into the room with the air of royalty. 

“I’ll admit I’m surprised you’re actually relaxing for once. I’d assumed you’d have to come up from one of your secret labs.” Lena blew air out her nose in barely contained irritation. 

“Andrea I’m rather busy so if you would please—”

“I’m looking for Supergirl.” _Well, that was forward._

“Excuse me?” Andrea turned and fixed Lena with a hard glare. 

“Supergirl? Flies around the city with a cape and laser eyes? Figure head of the media company I just bought from you?” Lena was forced to use an exorbitant amount of energy to stop herself from rolling her eyes, 

“I know who Supergirl is Andrea, my question is why you’re looking for her and why you came here.” Andrea barely seemed to notice the irritation in Lena’s voice, instead, scanning the apartment. 

“Look, Supergirl is Catco’s money tree. Half our news articles are about her and I haven’t yet had time to shift our news base. She dies and we’re toast.” Andrea sighed irritably. It was almost believable. “Supposedly, there was a fight involving her and some stragglers from the Children of Liberty trying to make a comeback. My sources say she was injured fairly badly and delirious. I figured she might come here. I know you two are friends.”

“Friends is a strong word.” Lena said dryly. That got Andrea’s attention, 

“Ooh, trouble in paradise.”

“You are assuming there was a garden in the first place.”

“Lena, dear, you built her a statue.”

“I hadn’t worked with her yet.”

“Still, if she isn’t here, why do you have a gun in your waistband?” Lena froze. Quickly smoothing out her face, she gave Andrea an incredulous look.

“You come to my apartment at 10 pm, without calling ahead, with no invitation and want to know why I have a gun? You do realize how many people have tried to kill me right?” Andrea tilted her head back slightly, her eyes narrowed. 

“Lena! Your shower is incredible! The—” Lena cringed. Kara went stock still. She was wearing one of the short bathrobes Lena had set out in the bathroom. At least she was wearing her glasses. Kara blinked and rubbed her eyes as if to dispel a vision. “There is a person here.” Andrea’s eyebrows were dangerously close to being enveloped by her hair. 

“You didn’t mention having… company.” Lena smiled, it was reminiscent of a tiger baring its fangs. 

“I did say I was busy.” Kara stepped forward, placing an arm around Lena’s waist. Her face was a similar color to her cape.

“Ms. Rojas, I didn’t know you’d be stopping by.” If her voice had been any higher pitched it would have been inaudible to the human ear. Andrea simply gaped. Finally she cleared her throat and said, 

“It wasn’t a planned visit, Ms. Danvers.” Andrea flicked her eyes between the two women. Lena could practically see the cogs turning inside her brain. “Well, I think I’m done here.” Andrea cleared her throat. “If you hear anything Lena, do call.” She began toward the door.

“I— Ms. Rojas!” Kara squirmed and Andrea turned back. “Would you— I mean— I just—”

“Spit it out Danvers.”

“Would you maybe not tell anyone about this?” Somehow Kara managed to turn even redder. “It’s just that nobody knows and I really don’t want to have that conversation, especially if I’m not the one bringing it up and I know it could be a big story but—”

“Ms. Danvers.” Kara snapped her mouth shut. “So long as you two keep away from my cameras, your business is your business.” Andrea actually smiled, 

“I’ll admit this does explain, well, a lot. Enjoy your… evening.” Andrea slipped out the door, into the elevator and reached for her earpiece. 

“You heard all that. Pack up the team, she’s not here.” 

Kara and Lena remained frozen and silent until Lena’s tablet beeped with the notification that the elevator was descending. _Great. Now it worked._

As soon as she read the notice, Kara leapt away from Lena as though she had been burned. 

“I am so, so sorry. It was the first thing that popped into my head. I just thought that was the best way to convince her she was wrong and if she figured out you were helping me you’d be a target too and I figured you’d prefer this over getting murdered and— Why are you laughing?”

Lena shook as she struggled to draw in breath. She looked up at Kara and simply redoubled in fits of laughter. Kara opened and closed her mouth like a gasping fish. Finally taking pity on Kara, she spoke, 

“Kara. I would much prefer Andrea Rojas believe we are having a secret love affair than both of us getting shot.” She grinned, “Plus, that was the funniest thing I have seen in actual years. You made Andrea Rojas sputter like a 5 year old caught with their hand in the cookie jar.” Kara ducked her head and fidgeted with her sleeves. 

“You sure?”

“Yes.” Lena took Kara’s cheeks in her hands and lifted her head up to eye level. “I’m glad you’re okay.” She raised an eyebrow, “Besides, for a friend like you there are no boundaries, remember?” Kara seemed to glow as her face split in a toothy smile. “Come on, you shouldn’t be standing this long with your injuries.” Lena carefully took Kara’s arm and sat her on the couch. Kara winced heavily at the angled motion. They sat together then, Kara resting her head on Lena’s shoulder, and after a few minutes Lena recognized the even breaths of sleep. Kara isn’t her friend, Lena reminds herself, Kara Danvers is not her friend. _But maybe_, a traitorous corner of her mind whispers, _maybe she could be. _


	2. Chapter 2

It was the incessant ringing of her phone that ended up waking Kara. Though it would be more accurate to say it woke her for approximately 5 seconds before she nuzzled back into Lena’s shoulder. Lena took the call and a furious hiss shot out of the speakers. 

“Kara, I swear to fucking God, you get impaled and then vanish of the face of the earth? I gave you an encrypted phone. You have no excuse for ignoring my calls. Where the hell are you?” Lena winced and pulled the phone away from her ear. 

“Hello to you too, Alex.” 

“Lena?” Alex’s voice immediately shifted to concern, “Where’s Kara? Is she okay?” 

“She’s fine Alex, though I would be quieter if I were you as she is currently sleeping on me. She’s at my apartment.” 

“Thank God.” Alex let out a heavy sigh of relief, she sounded exhausted. “I thought she might be bleeding out behind a dumpster somewhere.”

“I was going to call you when she arrived but she told me not to, something about it getting us all killed.” A short, bitter laugh cracked through the phone, 

“Well, she was probably right about that. If I had tried to leave immediately after the attack I would have been shot.” She sighed. “Jesus, it’s a mess. I’m answering this call from J’onn’s place with about 7 different tracking and bug jammers around me. I don’t know exactly how heavily infiltrated the DEO is but it’s bad. It’s really, really bad.”

“Are you clear to move now?”

“Yeah, give me 20 minutes and I can meet up with you and Kara.”

“Good. Would you grab her a change of clothes while you’re at it? I had to dispose of the other ones. They were a bit… bloody.” Lena let out a heavy breath. “This took a lot out of her Alex. She’s been asleep for at least 2 hours by now. I tried to get up to grab her a blanket or something but she sleeps like a log, I couldn’t get out.” This time Alex’s laugh was real, 

“That sounds like Kara. I’m on my way.”

True to her word, Alex arrived 25 minutes later with a duffel bag and a motorcycle helmet slung over one shoulder. Lena sent the message down to allow Alex passage to the elevator and after carefully extricating herself from Kara’s arms(an action made quite difficult as Kara seemed to be using her super-strength to hold herself around Lena’s torso), opened the door. Alex barely even glanced at Lena, eyes searching the room for her sister. When Alex caught sight of her she rushed forward, dropping her helmet and pulling out medical equipment to check Kara’s vitals. She barely took the time to thrust a white tank-top at her sister before opening the robe. This finally woke Kara. Her eyes shot open and she squeaked as the tank-top slapped her in the face and she hurriedly pulled it on, evidently having experience with Alex’s disregard for anything but her physical injuries. Alex lifted up the bottom of the shirt and pressed the edges of Kara’s wound. It was almost completely closed, the stitches dark against otherwise starkly white scar tissue. 

“Alex?” Kara’s voice was still heavy with sleep. She hissed as Alex gave an especially hard prod. “When did you get here?”

“About five minutes ago.” She turned to Lena, “This is good stitch-work. Smart. Keeping the wound tightly closed while her body tries to heal the internal damage was a good idea. It’s going to have to come out now though.” Lena raised her hands, 

“Don’t look at me, everything I did was at Kara’s direction. I didn’t even stitch the front.” Alex’s eyebrows furrowed and she looked over at the back of Kara’s wound and promptly laughed. 

“Yeah. That makes more sense.” Lena scowled. It hadn’t been that bad had it? She checked that side herself. Where in the front, thin, even stitches had crisscrossed the gash, in the back, awkward, uneven stitches made a zigzagging path across the wound site, creating an image much like a small child’s attempt at embroidery. Lena flushed. As she looked however she noticed another harsh purple-white line above Kara’s right hip. It looked almost like—

“What is it? What’s wrong with the stitches?” Alex jumped and Lena’s hand sprang away from the stitching. She had forgotten Kara was awake. 

“Nothing, dear. I just apparently need sewing lessons.” Kara laughed, her head thrown back and mouth open. It sounded rather unnervingly like a cackle. It seemed Alex agreed. 

“Stop doing that! You sound like you’re about to invite me into your gingerbread house.” Kara was undeterred, 

“Hey, if that means I get an edible house, I can live with that.” Lena didn’t have super-hearing but she could have sworn Alex muttered back, 

“I’m sure you could.” 

“Hey!” One of the (not exactly soft) pillows from the couch knocked Alex around the back of the head. 

“Do you want me to remove these stitches or what?” Pouting, Kara assented and Lena watched with barely concealed awe as Alex took a small pair of scissors and snipped one of the stitches before pulling it out. It was a strange experience, watching Kara’s stomach knit itself back together. She had seen it do so before with the arrow wound but it had been so bloody and messy it was hard to see. Now, though, there was no blood or gore to obscure the skin which spread and attached back together, leaving a thin white scar where the gash had been. She remembered watching a similar process with James’ gunshot wound. She would have thought she would be less transfixed by the process after seeing it once before. She would have been wrong.   
Alex took out the last stitch and Kara stretched, her shirt falling down to hide the now fully healed— if scarred— injury. 

“I’m not sure if the scar will ever vanish” Alex chewed her lower lip pensively, “but it should be completely healed now. Yes.” Alex nodded to herself, “Now that that’s done with,” she chucked a pair of sweatpants at her sister and stood, “You need food and you need sleep. It is…” She checked her watch, “11:33 now. If you are out of bed before noon tomorrow I will put you under a red sun lamp and tie you down.” She glanced at Lena, “Thank you so much for your help. Kara…” she sighed and met Lena’s eyes, “Words can’t describe how much you helping her means to me. Thank you.” The corners of Lena’s mouth rose in a half-smile, 

“I’m just glad she’s okay. You too.” The smile slipped, “Andrea came by here, she was looking for Supergirl and instead she found Kara.” Alex stiffened and Lena hurriedly continued, “She doesn’t know Kara is Supergirl. She thinks we were… together… actually. I just thought you would want to know.” Alex nodded, 

“Thank you for telling me. That actually leads to my second point. Kara, I don’t want you sleeping alone tonight, not after Andrea’s threats against your civilian life. You will stay with me and Kelly.” Kara immediately began to object.

“No! I couldn’t! I can sleep in my own bed. It’ll be fine! I don’t want to be trouble,” Alex stared at her with an expression that could only be described as exasperated. “—and you don’t even have a bedroom wall. You guys should have your privacy! Besides, I doubt she’s going to come after us again after the disaster of today it’s f—” 

“She can stay with me.” Lena froze. Why did she say that? Alex turned, relief apparent on her face, 

“Are you sure? You’ve done so much I don’t want to put this on you too.” 

“It’s no problem. I have a guest room and I redid my building’s security coding while Kara was asleep, so even if Andrea tries to come back it would be easy to lay a trap.” Alex nodded slowly, 

“That’s.. actually a very good idea. Kara, you’ll stay with Lena. I’ll gather a vetted team and we can watch the entrances to the building.” She gathered the medical supplies and put them in a secondary bag she had stuffed into the duffel. “I was planning on you going straight to my apartment so I brought extra clothes. Remember,” She jammed a threatening finger at Kara’s chest,

“No. Earlier. Than. Noon. Good night guys.” Alex swept back out of the apartment, leaving a still spluttering Kara in her wake. Lena picked up the duffel bag and gestured, 

“Come on, I’ll show you the guest room.”

Kara woke to the feeling of sunlight on her skin. The rays seemed to envelop her, washing away the pain and exhaustion of the night before. The smell of bread and sugar wafted through the door. Kara slipped out from the warm blankets and followed her nose into the living room, where an enormous platter of every type of baked good she could imagine lay displayed on the coffee table. Muffins, donuts, scones, even a few bagels with assorted cream cheese containers. 

“You should close your mouth Kara, you’ll catch flies.” Kara whipped around to see Lena lounged on the couch, tablet in her lap and picking at a muffin. She gave Kara an amused smile, “Alex told me you might be hungry when you woke up.” 

“Have I ever told you you’re my favorite person?” Lena flushed and ducked her head. Kara grabbed an assortment of pastries and plopped down on the sofa next to her. “Whatcha doin’?” Lena’s smile slipped. Now she seemed to be pointedly avoiding Kara’s gaze.

“I’m looking over some research of mine… into q-waves.” Kara cocked her head. Lena glanced up at her, swallowed and continued, “Specifically, the data I collected from Ma’alefa’ak.” Kara went very still. 

“Lena. When— How did you get data of Ma’alefa’ak’s brain-waves?” Lena sat the tablet on the table, muffin discarded. 

“Do you remember me mentioning a project that you would not like?” Kara stood slowly, like one trying not to scare off a small animal. Her next words were barely more than a whisper. 

“Lena.” She sounded afraid, but not for herself. Kara took Lena’s face in her hands. “Lena, please, what did you do?” Lena swallowed and looked down. “Lena. What. Did. You. Do.”

“There’s something you need to see.” Lena took her hand and Kara allowed herself to be guided to the elevator. 

The lab beneath Lena’s apartment building was reminiscent of the lab in which she had housed Reign. Kara glanced across spotless white tables, covered with equipment and wires. A raspy sound similar to purring emitted from a silvery metal crate in a corner. But these were not what drew her eyes. Kara stopped and stared into a white, forcefielded cell in the center of the back wall. It really was identical to the Reign lab. An African-American sat on a bed within it, his eyes glazed over and barely blinking. Lena walked over to a computer and input a directive. The man emitted a bright green light, and transformed into a large, but still skinny green martian. 

“What’s wrong with him.” Kara was proud of how well she managed to keep her voice from shaking. 

“I used my research into q-waves to prevent him from attempting violence or escape. It’s why I lied to you about the journals. They contained Lex’s notes on the frequency and it’s… uses.”

Kara released a shuddering breath. 

“Ms. Luthor. Why did you bring her here?” Her head snapped up. 

“Eve?” No. Not Eve. This woman looked like her but her stance was all wrong, and her hair… Kara had seen Eve with straight hair once before. Once. The power had gone out in her apartment and she had been furiously curling her hair in the CatCo bathroom. It was one of the only times Kara could remember hearing her curse. It might have been part of the act, but it wasn’t like Eve had stopped curling it after running off with Lex. Not-Eve cocked her head at Kara before returning her full attention to Lena. 

“Kara, meet Hope. Hope is an A.I that I designed.” Wary eyes flitted between Lena and Hope. 

“Is there a reason she looks identical to Eve?” 

“I used nanobots to allow Hope full access to Eve’s body.” Kara jerked so vigorously toward Lena that she cursed and grabbed at her injury. Lena held up a preemptive hand, “She can be removed at any time with no danger to Eve. If I removed her Eve would wake up unharmed with no memory after I allowed Hope access to her body.” Kara stepped back. A shaking hand tugged at her hair. 

“When did you find her? Where did you find her? No.” Kara shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. This— This needs to stop. Now. Ma’alefa’ak needs to be sent to the phantom zone. That thing needs to come out of Eve. She needs to be tried and imprisoned for her crimes. Rao, Lena this has to stop.” Kara went deathly still. “Lena, why would you need data on Ma’alefa’ak’s q-waves?” Lena wet her lips. 

“Because of the project I’ve been working on, Project Non-Nocere. It— I made—” Lena seemed to cast around for the right words. “When I found out about you, I was so angry. But most of all I was hurt. Because” She took a deep breath. “Because you didn’t tell me.” Kara blinked, 

“What? But—” Understanding dawned on her face. Kara squeezed her eyes shut and looked away, “How long had you known?” 

“Lex told me.” Kara swore, 

“Lena, I swear I never intended—” 

“I know. I know.” She took Kara’s hand, “I’m still angry but— but I know. There’s more. Lex told me the day you fought at Shelly Island. Only, he told me after you dropped him.” Kara’s eyebrows furrowed. Lena took a step back. “He had on one of his portal watches. I knew exactly where he would go: the cabin we’d loved when we were children, so I was there waiting for him. I had the gun ready.” 

Lena wasn’t looking at Kara anymore. Her eyes were far away. 

“Loaded. I could feel the weight of it in my hands. Every fiber of my being rebelled but I— I didn’t want to do it but I knew I had to because if Lex lived the world wouldn’t be safe. My friends wouldn’t be safe. You wouldn’t be safe.” 

She was breathing heavily now, every word seemed to rip itself from her lungs.

“I shot my own brother in the chest. His final words were that I was a fool, that you were Supergirl.” 

“Lena... “ Kara stepped towards Lena but she shook her head, 

“I was so angry. At you. At him. At myself. And then I had an idea, that I could prevent anything like this from happening again. That I could stop people from hurting each other.” 

“You tried to create mind-control.” Lena nodded. 

“I didn’t want drones, but I thought if I could find the section of the brain humans get cruel impulses from, and shut that down, that I could fix everything. No more school shooters or bombers or murderers. No hatred or violence. No harm.” Lena smiled, “I mean. Imagine a world like that. People wouldn’t hunt aliens anymore. You could live as yourself openly without risk to yourself or your family, you wouldn’t have to fight anymore. It would be safe. Everyone would be safe.” 

“Have you lost your mind?” The words came out as a horrified whisper. “Have you forgotten Myriad? Have you forgotten Jack?” Lena recoiled, 

“This is nothing like—” 

“This is exactly like Jack! You kidnapped someone and took over their body with nanobots. What part of this isn’t like Jack?” Lena was silent. Kara took a deep breath, shaking her head. “Lena, you told me once, that Myriad was the reason you came to make your start-up in National City. That you wanted to come here and make the world a better place. Myriad was the result of hundreds of years of research and experimentation pieced together, and the directives it gave people caused them to forget to eat and sleep. Hundreds of years, where every scientist was close to your intelligence, with greater technology at their disposal, and the best they could do was create a machine that accidentally caused people to dehydrate themselves to death. All they knew was their programmed goal. Myriad was evil.” 

“Just because Myriad was misused doesn’t make it evil.”

“And what if it gets hacked. You have good intentions Lena, but not everyone does. So, say that it works. Your program only removes harmful urges from people and doesn’t end up causing massive issues to human brains or life or society. What if it gets hacked. What if someone else gets control. What happens when you die? What happens when Myriad comes back?” 

“Kara, you don’t even know what Myriad was. It didn’t work on you. You didn’t experience it.” Kara flinched.

“No, I didn’t. I wasn’t the victim. I was the bystander. I was the one who watched as my friends were forced to jump out of a 13-story window. I was the one that that sick bastard made to watch.” Tears slid down Kara’s face. “He killed my friend. He took my sister. My sister. I have seen what happens when people try to fix the world, Lena. No matter what the original intent. No matter how good or kind the creator is. Rao, Non wanted to fix global warming. People die, Lena. Every. Time.” Kara turned to leave. “There’s an old Kryptonian saying: kaipahdh tov guhlogho krighiu w tov dovrrosho doliu. The brightest aspirations make the darkest shadows.” She sighed. “I’m not going to tell the DEO what’s happening here. That’s up to you. I just— Think about what you are doing. Please.” The silence seemed to echo as Kara walked to the elevator and left. 

“Ms. Luthor, would you like me to prevent her from leaving?”

“No. No, let her go.” Lena ran a hand through her hair. “I’m going out.”

“Out, Ms. Luthor?”

“Out. Call and ask me before doing anything relating to Non-Nocere.” She left without a second glance. 

Alex was having a fairly impressive battle with her smoke alarm when Lena arrived. Kelly stood a couple of feet away (shaking her head) as Alex beat the plastic disc with a hand towel. 

“—aybe next time we could just order in Italian. I know you love Zanchinni’s.” This was followed by an extremely colorful description of where Zanchinni could shove his garlic breadsticks. Lena stood awkwardly in the open doorway watching the scene unfold. She batted smoke out of her face as Alex came down off the stepstool. 

“You know Alex, I’m pretty sure those alarms exist for cooks like you.” Alex jumped and spun around, hand towel very nearly smacking her in the face. 

“Lena! Hey! What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to ask you some questions,” Lena paused, glancing at Kelly. “About Myriad.” The smile slid off Alex’s face. 

“Kelly, would you give us the room. Lena and I need to talk.” Kelly’s eyes flitted between them for a few moments before she nodded. 

“Remember to scrub the pan, that char is going to be hard to get off later.” The door closed with an audible click. Alex walked over the sink, grabbing a distinctly blackened pan and a sponge. With her back still to Lena, her voice seemed to cut through the air like a knife. 

“What is it you want to know?” Her voice was hard, but not angry. Lena could see the set of Alex’s jaw where she stood 3 feet behind her. 

“What was it like?” Alex froze, whatever questions she had been expecting, it wasn’t that. 

“I— I don’t remember much. The time I spent within the city limits was mostly under Myriad’s influence.” She began to slowly, but very forcefully, scrub the pan. “I remember waking up on Non’s ship. He did the usual threatening, posturing. Then Indigo stepped up. Said she had a way to hurt us both, me and Kara. The next thing I knew,” Her voice shook, the pressure with which she scrubbed grew. “I was standing over Kara with a kryptonite sword. She was on the ground. Just laying there. Shaking. We had fought apparently, but she wouldn’t hurt me. I almost killed her but she wouldn’t hurt me.” She let out a shuddering breath. “My mother was there. She’s the one who managed to break me out. J’onn was protecting her mind. We— We helped Kara up. God, she couldn’t even sit up without our help. I don’t—” Alex set down the brush. “She never told me what happened. Kara. The most I know is what my mother told me. Non was speaking through me. He said it was too bad, that now our mother had to watch. He didn’t think it was possible for us to break out. But Kara, Kara never told me what happened before then, just that Non used me to fight her. She never told me what happened anywhere else either. She never told anyone.” Alex cleared her throat. “If you want to know anything more you’re going to have to ask her. If she’ll answer you. 4 years and she still hasn’t given me any kind of descriptive answer, the only thing I know is that every year on the anniversary she visits her old coworker Kelly Brown’s grave. My only other options for answers were Maxwell Lord or Cat Grant and frankly, I figured if she didn’t want to tell me that much then I wouldn’t ask.” Lena gripped the back of a dining chair. 

“I think I’m going to be sick.” Alex grabbed a trash bin from the corner of the room, 

“Well if you have to, at least don’t do it on my floor.” Alex tried to give a smile with the weak joke, but it ended up more of a pained grimace. She let out a yelp as she was suddenly crushed by Lena’s enveloping arms. Just as soon as she had initiated the contact, Lena pulled away, clearing her throat. 

“I should go. I— I have to—” Alex smiled.

“It’s okay. See you later.” A small wave and fleeting glance later, and Lena was gone. Alex texted Kelly. She needed a few more hugs. Lena dug her phone out of her pocket and texted Kara.

They had a lot to discuss. 

Kara was opening the door to her loft before Lena had even reached for the door handle. 

“Hey.” Kara spoke with a hopeful smile and twisting fingers. 

“Hey.” Suddenly the room felt a lot tighter. “I umm— I wanted—” it came out in a rush, “I wanted to ask what happened during Myriad to you and to Kelly Brown.” Kara nodded, 

“Come inside. This is a conversation better had with Hot Cocoa.” 

When they had settled on her couch, mugs in hand, Kara was the first to break the silence. 

“Who did you ask about Myriad?”

“Alex.” Kara nodded and took a large gulp from her mug. Lena tested hers and immediately spat it back into the cup; it burned her tongue. Kara winced, 

“Sorry, is that too hot? I can cool it for you if—”

“No. It’s alright. Just another injury to my pride.” She offered a weak smile. Kara looked as though she would argue, then she sagged. 

“You want to know what happened to Kelly Brown?” Lena nodded and blew on her cocoa. “She jumped out a window and fell 13 stories to her death.” Lena’s eyes snapped back up to Kara. Kara’s eyes were far away; her mug sat forgotten on the coffee table. “Non wanted to make a point: I couldn’t save them. I had been Supergirl for about a year at that point. I’d stopped robberies, murders, arson,” Kara let out a breath, “but there was always more.” She turned to Lena, “People are violent, humans especially. Non wanted me, if not on board with Myriad, then at least not actively fighting it. Non stopped every crime, every violent and cruel act in the city in a second. I wanted to save people, and he told me he had saved them all. They weren’t fighting anymore,” Tears shone on Kara’s cheeks, “but they weren’t people either. So, he made a point. It wasn’t necessary. It wasn’t an ultimatum. It was just to make a point.” Anger marred Kara’s face, and Lena could suddenly understand why Lex had been so desperately afraid of Superman. “Winn stood up first— Non was talking through him— and he walked to a window. Then James. Then—” Kara’s voice broke. She cleared her throat. “Then Kelly. They all walked to different windows on different sides of the building and I tried. Rao I tried.” Her shoulders shook with each breath, hands clasped tightly in her lap. “I tried to save them. They all jumped and I jumped after them. I caught Winn, he was closest, then James, but Kelly— Kelly fell.” 

“Kara…” 

“It’s okay. It was a long time ago.” Kara took a long drink from her mug. Lena wished she had something stronger. “She survived 17 seconds after she hit the ground. According to the autopsy report, the trauma would have disconnected her from the Myriad system. I heard it. I heard her heartbeat. She laid there, in agony, for 17 seconds. Maxwell Lord was there, and Ms. Grant, but they couldn’t hear her. They didn’t know— still don’t. I— I never told them. They didn’t need to hear that.” Lena’s fingers interlaced Kara’s. Kara looked up, Lena wasn’t looking at her but her hand gave a small squeeze. 

"Why— Why didn’t you tell someone? Why didn’t you tell Alex?” Kara ducked her head. “She told me you never spoke to her about what happened when you fought.” 

“I couldn’t tell her that. I couldn’t make her— She was so horrified when she woke up. So scared. So guilty. It wasn’t her fault, she didn’t need to hear about how Non used her. The fact that she stabbed me wasn’t relevant to the DEO paperwork and she didn’t need to hear about it. I just—” Kara closed her eyes, “I just couldn’t look her in the eye and tell what Non made her do. Maybe I’m a coward, but I just couldn’t.”   


“Kara Zor-El, you are not a coward.” Lena tilted Kara’s face back up, her hand pausing under her chin. “You are anything but a coward.” They were nose to nose now, Lena realized, a hair’s breadth apart. She had never been this close to Kara before without her glasses. Her eyes flickered across Kara’s face, the scar over her eyebrow, her nose, her chin, her lips… and then Kara’s fingers were tangled in her hair, her lips on hers and her heart jumped into the sun. The first breath after was like breaking the surface of an ocean after drowning. They sat in the silence and in awe, foreheads pressed together, eyes closed. 

“Why me?” Kara straightened,

“What?” Lena kept her neck bent, 

“Why did you choose me?” Kara stared at her, 

“Lena…. How could I not?” Lena let out a harsh laugh, 

“After everything that’s happened. After everything I’ve done. Why? Why stay with me? Why care about me? Why not just give me to the DEO?” Kara brushed Lena’s hair behind her ear, 

“Because you’re good. Because you care so much about everyone and you give so much of yourself to help those people. Because you deserve to be helped back to the right path, not just tossed aside.” She gave a soft smile. “Because I love you, you big dummy and I promised you once that I would always be your friend. Always. Not until it gets hard. Not until you make a mistake. Always.”

“Kara, I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know what to do.”

“You don’t have to do anything. I can get Ma’alefa’ak to the phantom zone without talking to anyone a the DEO, and I can say I found Eve and turn her over. No one needs to know and you don’t need to worry about anything,” She paused, “except the talk about feelings we need to have and the enormous amounts of therapy which we will both be attending once everything’s sorted out.” Lena snorted. Kara cracked a toothy grin before sobering, “In all seriousness though, you need a professional that you can talk to. You should have someone that you can be completely open with, who understands how to healthily process emotions and trauma. I can’t give that to you, and you deserve someone who can.”

“And in all serious to you, don’t hide what I’ve done. Bring J’onn and the others to the lab. Let them see.” Kara’s eyes searched her face, 

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I am.”

A rush of wind and Kara was gone. Lena picked up her phone and dialed the number which would connect her to Hope’s system. “Hope, we will be having visitors in the lab. Disable all security measures except those in place on Ma’alefa’ak.”

“Ms. Luthor, might I ask what you are doing?”

“Saving humanity,” Her gaze fell to the spot Kara had vanished from, “from me.”

Kara returned a minute later, practically vibrating with nerves. Though, come to think of it, Lena realized, she may actually be vibrating. 

“I’ve taken the others down to the lab. They’re waiting for you. Are you ready?” Lena smiled. 

“Nope. Let’s go.”

When they landed in the lab, the first thing Lena noticed was the silence. It seemed to press inwards, trapping her. J’onn and Alex stood side by side, matching in both pose and stillness. It was like looking at a pair of statues that were ready to commit murder. Brainy was there as well, eye flicking from computer to equipment to psychic dampeners, seemingly itching to examine all the tech. Kara remained slightly behind Lena as she approached Alex. It felt less like Kara was blocking the exit, as acting like a warning to the others. 

“Would you mind terribly,” Alex began in a cold steely voice, “to explain what the hell is going on?” Lena swallowed, perhaps she should have taken more time to consider Kara’s offer. She glanced at Kara who gave an almost imperceptible nod. It was enough. 

“I wanted to show you what I have been researching for the past few months —why I have been lying— and help you shut it down.” Alex and J’onn remained stony as Lena explained her plans with Ma’alefa’ak, Hope and the q-waves. The only sign of emotion Lena received through the entire speech was a slight flaring of Alex’s nostrils when Lena explained that she had decided against the project after talking with Kara and hearing about Alex’s experiences with Myriad. 

“So that’s why you wanted to know what it was like? Because you were planning on doing the same damn thing?” Lena flinched. 

“If you would like to take me into custody, Alex, I will not try and stop you. It’s part of why I asked for you to be brought here in the first place.” Both Kara and Alex reacted to this. Kara stepped forward with an angry “No!” and Alex took a surprised step back, eyebrows furrowing. “If you want to arrest me then do it, God knows, I probably deserve it. The other reason I asked after you was so that you could take Eve and Ma’alefa’ak into custody. I will remove Hope and you may arrest whomever you would like” J’onn, who had remained silent and frozen since his entrance, finally spoke. 

“Alex, arrest Eve Tessmacher. Brainy, get the Phantom Zone projector, recalibrate it, and send Ma’alefa’ak through.” He gave one last glance to his brother in the cell, then turned on his heel and left. Alex stared after him. 

“He’s angry,” she directed at Lena, “But his silence is a good sign.”

“And you? What’s your opinion?” She shot Lena a rather unnerving glare, 

“I’m going to need some time before I can calmly answer that.” Lena took a step back under her withering gaze. “Kara, I’m going to get a cab home. I’ll deal with you later.” Kara let out a heavy breath as Alex disappeared into the elevator. 

“Well, that went better than expected.” Lena nodded, trying to get her heartbeat to stop banging against her ribs like a battering ram “Come on, it’s time for that talk about feelings I promised.” 

Sitting with Kara hours later, legs entangled under a soft blanket with Kara’s laughter ringing in her ears, Lena finally accepted what she had known for so long. No, Kara Danvers is not her friend. She’s a hell of a lot more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i know its been more than a week but ummm... yeah i don't have an excuse. sorry guys.  
Also did any of you guys catch last night's episode cuz... ouch


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